Food for thought...
or rather language
Talking with children changes their brain - this is the headline of a social media post by the Institute of Child Psychology. Romeo et al (2018) study of 4-6 year olds (Beyond the 30 million word gap) noticed that back and forth conversation changes a child’s brain. This was measured both by a range of tests and MRI brain scans - and indicated that this change sets the stage for strong literacy skills in school.
What is important to consider is that this is not talking at the children but taking with them. In it is the back and forth of the dialogue that is essential.
One of my absolute favourite places to chat with children is around the meal table. So many wonderful, weird, funny, serious and more conversations have happened there - and the likelihood of them happening there have been higher than in other situations during the preschool day - and I think this is because we sit round the table sharing a meal - which I think brings a sense of equity to the moment (as long as you are not sat there to police the situation).
I have worked in places (and visited places in various different countries) where the adults do not eat with the children - but stand around and serve the children their meal with a philosophy that the children need time free from adults.
I agree that children need time free from adults - but lunch time is not the best time for that - when they are at play is when they need us to step back. During meal times young children need adults to be there to ensure they are getting the support they need to eat enough nutritional food to be able to play, learn and be/come themselves. We also have to ensure that they don’t choke, as most of the very young children are still learn how to eat, as well as how to self regulate enough to eat in close proximity to others and all the etiquette etc that involves (like not touching someones else’s food - even if they have the yummy thing there that has been eaten up on their own plate etc). I feel quite strongly about not sitting and eating with children because I think it “others” children - and rather than making children feel competent it simply creates yet another space where children are being watched and policed.
The 2018 language research is more evidence that sitting together with children to eat and casually chat with them is pedagogically beneficial without actually being pedagogical. For those who need scientific evidence for why we do things with children.
On Christmas day the Swedish language historian Fredrik Lindström shared on the radio about the importance of play in language development - for all ages. Not only the development of each individual’s ability to use language, but also for language to develop (it’s just to look at historical documents to see how language has evolved over time - we don’t speak like Shakespeare any more!! And many of recent formalities in languages are now used more equitably, or not at all, and some words that were used to belittle and objectify and discriminate are now the subject of dialogue as to why they should be avoided and how the change of language can increase the likelihood of a more equitable society.
Lindström says that humankind’s most advanced invention is language - and that language is not built upon awareness but the result of a collective work between the people of the earth over millennia without full awareness of what they were doing - just as young children learn language - not through a conscious act of “now I am going to learn language” but through observation, listening, mirroring and playing.
Children are relaxed about their use of language - and I have seen this so many times where they will play with words to be able to say what they want to say - often inventing words when they do not yet know the “correct” word - for instance they might call a fountain for “crash water” .
Basically children in language development children don’t know that they know - they just do - test, try, invent, mimic sounds - just as language evolved over millennia. And through this play, and relaxed attitude to language (that gives them the freedom to play without embarrassment) children learn about 20 words a day. There are not many adults that are capable of this daily feat - so what is intelligence?
Tolkien and Roddenbury made up languages for their fictions, sampling the feeling and sounds of words as mechanisms to define them in the societal context of their fantasy and science fiction. Playing with words, and making up words continues to be important - not only in fiction but also in academia - post-humanism for instance is full of “new words” or familiar words written in new ways in order to create a space to think about them.
The word “affordances” that those of us familiar with loose parts play use was made up by Gibson
The affordances of the environment are what it offers the animal, what it provides or furnishes, either for good or for ill. The verb to afford is found in the dictionary; but the noun affordances is not. I have made it up (p. 127)
Gibson, J. J. (1982). “Notes on affordances,” in Reasons for Realism: The Selected Essays of James J. Gibson, eds E. Reed and R. Jones (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates), 401–418.
The new word helps us understand the world around us from a slightly different perspective, or sometimes throws a door wide open so that we can step into a whole new realm of understanding.
Lunch times with children could sometimes be like this - not only for the children but myself too. Because the children do not sit at the meal table without knowledge and experience - they bring to the table their personal life experiences and wisdoms that are different from my own. Yes, I have lived longer, had more experiences, gathered more facts, information and formed my own expanding bank of knowledge that I seek to use wisely - but sitting at the table with young children with a genuine sense of curiosity more often than not expands that experience and knowledge.
So by coming to the table as a learner, teacher, facilitator and playworker I open up the possibility for real dialogue. Not talking at the children. Not policing. Not controlling. But a space of mutual respect and collectivity.
Sometimes I barely talk, because my role at the table is to listen, and to show that I am listening - so the children know I take them seriously, and their thoughts are valued. Sometimes we are engaged in serious dialogues about what we think and know. Sometimes I am a storyteller because I have been invited to take that role, or I see the children are too tired today to take the lead. Sometimes we are laughing together - making up jokes, playing with words, making up words to create rhymes. There was never one way to do lunch. Our time together was respectful - I didn’t need to police the lunch table because we all wanted to be there and enjoy each other’s company. It was also unhurried. Sometimes I think lunch time is seen as a routine and is scheduled in a certain time slot - instead I prefer to see meals as a ritual where we can build a relationship with the food and each other respectfully. This also makes me think of Alison Clark and the research on unhurried lunches in early years settings and their benefits (- if you want to find out more read this)
I am not saying that we should never have adult free tables at meal times, merely that this should not be the only option all of the time. Especially as research is showing that homelife changes include less families sitting together to chat over meals regularly.
I would, often, re-arrange how we ate with the same group over the year. Sometimes the children would sit at large tables together with an adult on each - small islands of community, sometimes we would offer an adult free table for two or three children to sit and chat, sometimes we adults would sit at a separate table - this would usually be for a maximum of two weeks because more than that the children struggled with their voice and social self regulation (which got less and less regulated over the period of time) so to avoid overstimulation and unnecessary outbursts of dis-regulation we would sit with the children again - our very presence being the regulation reminder rather than having to police. I also think it is important to remember that at lunch time, many of these young children are tired and are at the edge of the capability to remain regulated - and if suddenly at the lunch table there is a sensory issue with food, or a heated dialogue there is not the energy to manage the situation. By being with the children we can offer ourselves as co-regulator - we lend them some of our energy so that they can enjoy the mealtime.
There is so much learning that happens naturally during shared meals. Not just language development without having to teach language - but also so much else without having to explicitly teach it - just by being there with the children to scaffold their experience. We don’t have to be teaching for learning to happen. The moment is “pedagogical” without us having to have a pedagogical agenda - we simply have to get better at trusting play and knowing how to notice the complexity of learning that is happening. This also means that we need to view play in much broader terms playing at mealtimes does not just mean playing with food… but that is for another post…
as always, I welcome your feedback, suggestions and questions.
In my family, meals are space where we connect, talk, exchange ideas, it is a form of ritual and it means a world to me personally. Every weekend extended family meets and eats with dialogue. This feeling I try to convey in my kindergarden practise, which is a huge task by itself, as my work colegue has the similar experience at home but her pedagogy is of "sit quietly and eat" little by little murmur enters our dining tables by me just being there with kids and slowly it becomes more approved. I see a lot of work on this area but very very important work. Together meals truely are connection time in my opinion. To ourselves, with others. We do not nurish ourselves with just food, it is also sensations arround food and eating, as well as feelings that are present.
Sharing meals has always been a dynamic experience in my life. As a child, mealtimes were divided: a quiet, rule-bound affair with adults and festive, playful moments with peers. Around food preparation, we found a mix of responsibility and play, with roles evolving as we grew. Meals shifted for me dramatically when I began working with Italians and later experienced the culinary cultures of Greece, France, and Spain. These encounters taught me to embrace unhurried meals, reshaping my perspective.
Entering the Swedish preschool system 19 years ago deepened this transformation. Mealtime became a favorite part of my day—a blend of dialogue, shared respect, and natural learning. It’s a space where listening, playing with language, and fostering co-regulation create a harmonious environment for children and adults alike. Over the years, I’ve trained numerous preschool staff, observing a clear pattern: those who rush their meals inadvertently encourage children to do the same. Meanwhile, my deliberate, unhurried approach helps children mirror this calmness.
Travel has reinforced my understanding of meals as a deeply human ritual, a time for connection and cultural exchange. Sitting together with curiosity and respect, we nourish not just our bodies but also our relationships and collective humanity.